I encountered an unexpected Beijing. A Beijing that did not fit onto a postcard that I could send back home, wherever that is now. I encountered a city that confronted me with myself. A city that made me look inward. A city that made me scared of what I might find. Or what I will not. I encountered a city covered in a fog that asphyxiated me slowly, but that nurtured my imagination of the ungraspable. I encountered nothingness in the midst of the chaos. And silence in the midst of the noise.

I found a city where breath echoes within while you walk home alone at night. I found a city where the far away lights become forgotten memories. I found a city where what you can say has seized to matter, because what you want to say, you cannot say anymore. A city that blurs the fine line between what you think you are and what you are not. A line that at the same time seems so solid. A city that I know will be something else tomorrow.

Now I know that the Beijing I take with me never existed. All these imaginary memories are lost in the fog.